The Power of Mentorship

Mentorship has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. At each new stage of life, I have sought and found versions of mentorship. I am deeply convicted that very few people emerge into professionalism or undergo profound transformations without great mentorship and teachers. The greatest achievements of my life have been hard won under the direct guidance of powerful, caring mentorship.

Most of us give little thought to how we are influenced, to whom we owe our education. We give little thought to the idea that our parents were our first mentors and teachers. Layer upon layer of stories have shaped our identity, educated our thoughts and beliefs, yet none as powerful as those associated with our parents. I am who I am because my parents are who they are; and their parents before them, and so on and on it goes.

It’s exceedingly profound to consider:

I am (we are) linked not only by blood, not only physically, but psychically, symbolically, spiritually to our parents.

Every time I mentor/coach another client at some point the path of healing turns towards the parents - mom and dad are there again at the top of the list. I tell my clients all the time, “Go back to your parents. Look again.” You are a continuation of their identities, their genetics, their presence in the world. If you’re feeling stuck, a deep inventory of the parental relationships are a wonderful place to begin transformative work.

It’s often easy to settle into this early conditioning, into the norms, narratives, expectations, and activities of our immediate family. And it makes sense that most of us never really emerge from our genetic and psychological legacies of childhood patterning. Sometimes this is a generous path. Just the other day, I met a gentleman who was a fifth generation electrician. He was grounded, pleasant, and reflected a sense of pride to be a part of his family's professional lineage.

But, often (and I think for most of us) it is vital that we seek new shores, new paths to become something more, something more fulfilled, more grounded, more whole than what was offered to us from our parents. We must find new teachers, new mentors who have walked the transformative path to help us navigate our ships into a new world.

Recently, I’ve had ample opportunity to revisit my own therapeutic work around my parents. My mother recently moved back to my home town, the town I currently reside in. Last year, I moved out of what was once my father’s childhood home. I have come face to face with these parental legacies again. It’s challenging. It’s disorienting. It’s like attempting to achieve lift-off from the Earth’s gravitational force or resist the pull of some mighty weight seeking to hold you back. It’s fear of the unknown, yes. But it’s also a movement to shift and change a legacy, to overcome a family dynamic or inherited condition.

And this is where the power and magic of a mentor becomes essential.

I can’t see beyond the walls of my experience. My parents can’t see beyond the walls of their experience. I need someone else who has lived outside to show me the door, to give me a glimpse of light beyond the confines of my inherited legacies. This is the power and spiritual duty of a mentor and teacher.  

As the holidays approach most of us will be thrown back into family systems - some joyously, others willingly, and so many of us begrudgingly. It’s a healthy habit to remember that our parents (despite themselves) did the best they could, and offered us the best they had. It’s vital to also remember that in many ways you have moved beyond them. You cherish what gifts and memories are available to nurture, but you stand firmly upon the foundation of your own transformation because you’ve grown up with new mentors, new allies, new powers, and you live in a new world.

If you’re someone who doesn’t currently have a mentor or coach. I want to offer my services to you. There can be no greater holiday gift to give than to give yourself access to a new mentor.